Memorandum

To: All Supervisors
From: Human Resources
Subject: Employee Performance Evaluation Form
Date:
Cc: All Departments Heads, All Department Managers

Please review the following addition to the Supervisor's Handbook:

Employee Performance Evaluation Form
Employee:


Date:


Position:


SSN:


Circle the attribute in each category that best suits the employee's proficiency in that area.
Knowledge

  1. Really knows his/her shit.

  2. Knows just enough to be dangerous.

  3. Only possesses ½ a brain, and is very fucking dangerous.

  4. Fucking brain damaged.
Accuracy

  1. Excellent worker if not preoccupied with sex.

  2. Pretty good, occasionally blows it out his/her ass.

  3. Has to take his/her shoes off to count past 10.
Attitude

  1. Extremely cooperative if you kiss his/her ass.

  2. Fucking little Brown Noser.

  3. Often pisses off co-workers.

  4. Doesn't give a shit, never did, and never will.
Appearance

  1. Extremely neat. Even combs his/her pubic hair.

  2. Looks great at evaluation time.

  3. Dirty, filthy, smelly, son of a bitch.

  4. Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him/her.
Ability

  1. A really dependable little asshole.

  2. Can rely on him/her to be the first one out the door at quitting time.

  3. Has difficulty pouring water from a boot with the instructions on the bottom.

  4. Totally fucking worthless.
Performance

  1. Works like hell if there's money in it for him/her.

  2. Does all kinds of shit at evaluation time.

  3. Works only if kicked in the ass every two minutes.

  4. Couldn't do less work if in a coma.
Leadership

  1. Carries a chainsaw and gets good results.

  2. Better leader than MacArthur ever was, to hear him/her tell it.

  3. Occasionally told to get bent.

  4. Mother Theresa would tell him/her to get bent.

For Human Resources use only. Do not write in this space.

 

Lax6

 

Comd12a

 

Checked by:
Form 1064-398-OAZ-MOD Revised: 08/22/2004

Valid CSS! Spacer Valid HTML 5!