The "Forwarder's" 12 Step Program

The "Forwarder's"

Hi, my name is David, and I'm a recovering forwarder.

Would everyone please put your hand on your monitor and repeat these words with me:

  1. I won't get bad luck, lose my friends, or thrown off my mailing lists if I don't forward an Email.

  2. I won't hear any music or see a Taco Bell dog, if I do forward an Email.

  3. Bill Gates isn't going to send me money, and Victoria's Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.

  4. Ford won't give me a 50% discount even if I forward my Email to more than 50 people.

  5. I'll never receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca-Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, OutBack SteakHouse or anyone else, if I send an Email to 10 people.

  6. I'll never see a pop-up window if I forward an Email. Never, ever!!

  7. There's no such thing as an Email tracking program, and I'm not gullible enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an Email to 10 or more people.

  8. There's no kid with cancer through the »Make a Wish« Foundation in England collecting anything. He did when he was 7 or 8 years old. He's now cancer free, 35 years old, and doesn't want any more postcards or get well cards.

  9. The government doesn't have a bill in Congress called 601B (or whatever you say they named it this week) that if passed, will enable them to charge us 5¢ for every Email we send.

  10. There will be no cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or a program that I'll receive immediately after I forward an Email. None, zip, zero, zilch, nada.

  11. The »Red Cross« won't donate 50¢ to a certain individual dying of some never heard of disease for every Email address I send this to. The Red Cross Receives donations.

  12. And finally, I will not let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I'm not their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before my Higher Power picks up a PC to pass it on. My friends already know that I love them - whether or not I respond to or forward an Email.

Repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends. Click »here« to share this page with your friends before the next full moon, or you'll be constipated for the next three months.

Related Links:

The Truth About Junk Email

Ten Things That Really Set Me Off