A Letter From the Tooth Fairy

A Letter From

Dear _________________:

Thank you for leaving one (1) tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

  1. __ The tooth couldn't be found.
  2. __ It wasn't a human tooth.

  3. __ We don't think pieces of chicken bone are very funny.

  4. __ We were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor.

  5. __ The tooth had been previously redeemed for cash.

  6. __ The tooth didn't originally belong to you.

  7. __ The tooth fairy doesn't process fingernails.

  8. __ Your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action.

  9. __ You were overheard to state that you don't believe in the tooth fairy.

  10. __ You were age twelve (12) or older at the time your request was received.

  11. __ The tooth is still in your mouth.

  12. __ The tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy eating dog at the time of our visit.

  13. __ No night light was on at the time of our visit.

  14. __ The snacks provided for the tooth fairy weren't satisfactory, or were missing.

  15. __ We discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
    1. __ String.

    2. __ Pliers.

    3. __ Gunpowder.

    4. __ Hammer marks.

    5. __ Chisel.

    6. __ Part of skull attached to tooth.

    7. __ No dental care.

  16. __ Other.

Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

The Tooth Fairy

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