A Letter From

The Tooth Fairy

Dear _________________:

Thank you for leaving one (1) tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

1. __ The tooth couldn't be found.

2. __ It wasn't a human tooth.

3. __ We don't think pieces of chicken bone are very funny.

4. __ We were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor.

5. __ The tooth had been previously redeemed for cash.

6. __ The tooth didn't originally belong to you.

7. __ The tooth fairy doesn't process fingernails.

8. __ Your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action.

9. __ You were overheard to state that you don't believe in the tooth fairy.

10. __ You were age twelve (12) or older at the time your request was received.

11. __ The tooth is still in your mouth.

12. __ The tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy eating dog at the time of our visit.

13. __ No night light was on at the time of our visit.

14. __ The snacks provided for the tooth fairy weren't satisfactory, or were missing.

15. __ We discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:

    1. __ String.

    2. __ Pliers.

    3. __ Gunpowder.

    4. __ Hammer marks.

    5. __ Chisel.

    6. __ Part of skull attached to tooth.

    7. __ No dental care.

16. __ Other.

Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,
The Tooth Fairy

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