The Bill of Common Sense Rights

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblence of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, do hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden delusional and other liberal, bedwetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident:

That a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

§ Article I

You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteed anything.

§ Article II

You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots and probably always will be. (Unfortunately, most of them aren't wearing signs either! - Doc)

§ Article III

You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

§ Article IV

You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

§ Article V

You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in health care. (The last guy to pitch us on the idea that we all were getting health care lied (i.e. mis-represented) the true nature of the Bill - Doc)

§ Article VI

You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

§ Article VII

You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure. (By the looks of some of our prisons, this may not always be the case. - Doc)

§ Article VIII

You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

§ Article IX

You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

§ Article X

You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the original Bill of Rights.

From an original piece written by Lewis W. Napper

As politically insensitive as it may be, I wondered if Mr. Napper would have added this:

§ Article XI

You do not have the right to expose our children to any alternative lifestyles, no matter how acceptable you may think they are. We will respect the fact that some of you may march to the beat of a different drum, but you have no business exposing yourselves in public. What you choose to do behind closed doors should remain there. Your lifestyle choice should not entitle you to introduce your "Significant Other" to our children as your Wife/Husband, make a mockery of the Institution of Marriage, or expect to raise a family even if it is the adopted illegitimate mixed-race offspring of a professional couch potato.

The Bill

Of Common Sense Rights