- Never take a beer to a job interview.
- Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
- It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
- If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
- Even if you're certain that you are included in the will,
it's still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral
- When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup,
and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the
- If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers covering the label.
Entertaining in Your Home:
- A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
- Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his/her manners are.
- While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private, using one's own truck
- Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several
days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good
- Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the
taste of finger foods.
Dating (Outside the Family):
- Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
- Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested:
- "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read
that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
- Establish with her parents what time she is expected back:
- Some will say, "10:00 P.M."
- Others might say, "Monday."
- If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
- Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie has ended.
- Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Test have
proven they can't hear you.
- Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
- Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
- For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
- Though uncomfortable, say "Yes" to socks and shoes
for this special occasion.
- Dim your lights for approaching vehicles even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
- When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires has the right of way.
- Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
- When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
- Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
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