Eight Steps to Enlighten a Pacifist

Eight Steps

  1. Approach the dumb, rich, ignorant, student talking about "peace" and saying there should be, "no retaliation."
  2. Engage them in brief conversation, asking if military force is appropriate.
  3. When the pacifist says "No," ask, "Why not?"
  4. Wait until the pacifist says something to the effect of, "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence."
  5. When the pacifist is in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.
  6. When he gets back up to up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would, "be awful and he should not cause more violence."
  7. Wait until he agrees that he has pledged not to commit additional violence.
  8. Punch him in the face again, only harder this time.

Repeat steps six through eight until the pacifist understands that "sometimes it is necessary to hit back."

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