A Men's Survey


  1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
    1. Lovemaking
    2. Screwing
    3. The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
  2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
    1. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
    2. Your blood-test results
    3. Five tequila slammers
  3. You time your orgasm so that:
    1. Your partner climaxes first
    2. You both climax simultaneously
    3. You don't miss Sportscenter
  4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
    1. Healthy, creative love-play
    2. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
    3. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
  5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
    1. The best part of the experience
    2. The second best part of the experience
    3. $100.00 extra
  6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it's:
    1. No concern of yours
    2. Not a problem, she can join your gym
    3. A conservative estimate
  7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
    1. A myth
    2. An oxymoron
    3. A moron
  8. Foreplay is to sex as:
    1. Appetizer is to entree
    2. Primer is to paint
    3. A line is to an amusement park ride
  9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
    1. "I hope we can still be friends,"
    2. "…I'm not in right now, please leave a message…"
    3. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, Y-O-U."
  10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    1. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
    2. Is uptight and a waste of time
    3. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

If you answered "a" more than seven times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered "b" more than seven times, check into therapy. You're still a little confused.

If you answered "c" more than seven times, "You Da Man!"

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