- We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"Join Our Fast-Paced Company"
- We have no time to train you.
"Must be Deadline Oriented"
- You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"Some Overtime Required"
- Some time each night, and some time each weekend.
"Duties Will Vary"
- Anyone in the office can boss you around.
- Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"Apply in Person"
- If you're old, fat, or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"No Phone Calls Please"
- We've filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"Seeking Candidates With a Wide Variety of Experience"
- You'll need it to replace the three people who just left.
"Requires Team Leadership Skills"
- You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"Good Communication Skills"
- Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.
"I'm Extremely Adept at all Manner of Office Organization"
- I've used Microsoft Office.
"I Take Pride in My Work"
- I blame others for my mistakes.
- I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
"I'm Extremely Professional"
- I carry a Day-Timer.
- I've changed jobs a lot.
"I'm on the Go"
- I'm never at my desk.
"I'm Highly Motivated to Succeed"
- The minute I find a better job I'm outta here.