New Year's Resolutions
- I won't play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when
he's on the toilet.
- I'll remember that the garbage collector isn't
stealing our stuff.
- I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm
lying under the coffee table.
- I won't roll my toys behind the refrigerator… or
the couch… or the stereo.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my coat BEFORE
entering the house.
- I won't eat the neighbor cat's food, before or after
they eat it.
- I'll stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I'm about to throw up.
- I won't throw up in the car.
- I'll scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of
- I won't roll on dead birds, fish, animals, etc.
- I won't eat other animals' poop.
- I won't lick my human's face after eating animal
- I won't roll my head around in other animals'
- I'll remember that kitty box crunchies aren't food
and the diaper pail isn't a cookie jar.
- I won't wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up
her bottom end.
- I won't chew my human's toothbrush and not tell
- I won't chew crayons or pens, especially not the red
ones, so my family will think I'm hemorrhaging.
- When in the car, I won't insist on having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.
- I won't drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
someone who is sitting on the toilet.
- I'll stop drinking from the toilet.
- We don't have a doorbell and Izzy the Toy Poodle is the
only other dog that lives in this house. I won't bark each
time I hear a doorbell or a big dog on TV.
- I won't steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over
the back yard with it.
- I'll remember that the couch isn't a face towel.
Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
- My head doesn't belong in the refrigerator or on the
- I won't bite the Officer's hand when he reaches in
for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
- I won't eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the
backyard after processing.
- I'll remember that the little dish of pillow mints on the
coffee table belongs to Mom.