Scientists Amazed!
A major research institution recently announced discovery of the heaviest element ever observed. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium."
Administratium contains one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312, as a result of unpredictable quantum fluctuations, in a dimension in which the usual rules of mathematics and logic do not apply.
Those 312 particles are held together by a weak force known as morons, surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Administratium has no electrons and is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes most reactions with which it comes in contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes many reactions to take more than four days to transpire, which in otherwise normal, unimpeded conditions would typically take less than one second.
Administratium has a half life of three years, and does not decay, but instead undergoes reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, because each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes.
That characteristic of moron-promotion leads scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a specific quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."