80° F / 26.7° C
Californians start waxing surfboards in preparation for summer. Alaskans begin migrating to the Arctic Circle.
70° F / 21° C
Floridians announce the arival of spring. Alaskans begin to complain that it's too hot outside.
60° F / 15.6° C
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats. Alaskans sunbathe.
50° F / 10° C
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Alaskan people plant gardens.
40° F / 4.4° C
Italian cars won't start. Alaskan people drive with the windows down. School kids wear shorts.
30° F / -1° C
Distilled water freezes. Alaskans store their beer outdoors.
20° F / -6.7° C
Californians shiver uncontrollably, even with parkas on. Alaskans have the last cook out on the patio before it gets cold.
10° F / -12.2° C
New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Alaskan people throw on a sweatshirt.
0° F / -17.8° C
Californians fly away to Mexico. Floridians fly away to The Bahamas. Alaskans start chopping wood.
-20° F / -28.9° C
People in Miami cease to exist. Alaskan people get out their winter coats and fire up their snow machines.
-40° F / -40° C
Hollywood disintegrates. Alaskans start to heat their houses.
-60° F / -51.1° C
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Alaskan Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
-70° F / -56.7° C
Mt. Saint Helen freezes. Alaskan people rent some videos and "stay in" for the weekend.
-90° F / -67.8° C
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Alaskans get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg!
-297° F / -182.8° C
Microbial life survives on dairy products. Alaskan cows complain of farmers with cold hands!
-459.7° F / -273.2° C
All atomic action stops. Alaskans start saying "Cold enough for ya?"
-500° F / -295.6° C
Hell freezes over. Alaskans vote for a Democrat for President.